I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
