maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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