the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
