we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
