ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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