I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
