I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
