He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Welp...herpes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
