Who wears a wallet chain?!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Boobs are out for the taking
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
