Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
