i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
