Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
false alarm, still single
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
