Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize