My room smells like vodka and shame
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
