he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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