You really coming over, don't trick.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
