U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
