I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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