I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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