We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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