Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
