You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
