Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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