Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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