it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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