I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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