my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
