Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
