You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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