ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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