I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
