He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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