nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my phone needs a breathalizer
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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