I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
