is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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