redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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