she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
