Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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