Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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