you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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