in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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