she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
