i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
