I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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