i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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