I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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