Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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