I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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