i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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