i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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