babies were throwing up all over the place
In America we eat man semen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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